Kung Fu and the Art of Event Planning

Have you ever heard of the rap group The Remnant? You know the guy with the long dredlocks? That’s not Niles. Niles is the one with the facial hair that doesn’t quite connect all the way. He’s been described as a sloppy dresser, apathetic, and lazy. He would like to point out that while that description may be accurate, he doesn’t care. He works as a reference librarian, which means he teaches computer skills to people who think that a mouse is a rodent and a cursor is someone you don’t want around your kids. His personal philosophy is, “if you never plan you can never fail,” which, in his opinion, makes him the ideal contributor to an event planning website. It’s all about balance.

By Niles Gray

Recently I was asked the question, "can a man still be a man's man if he wants to help out with planning events?" The answer, as any man's man will tell you, is heck-to-the-no. The reason is this: men don't plan/prepare FOR the event; men plan/prepare IN the event OF. It's a subtle yet very important difference (kind of like the difference between “I hope somebody does,” and “I wish a n!gg@ would”), which is illustrated in the following examples: When a woman or couple (which is the same as having two women) is having company over they will plan a set of activities to keep their company entertained, they will plan a nice meal or nibblery depending on the type of function, and they will prepare by cleaning their place of residence until satisfied; or in the case of a couple, until the man (second woman) remembers that he is a man and turns on sports center. Now, compare that to the real world scenario displayed in this short movie: http://youtube.com/watch?v=5q9kYKtvYU0

Did you watch the entire video? Good. Now, here are some things I'd like you to notice. (Disclaimer: Bruce Lee is THE man's man; from his proficiency with nunchaku (pronounced NUM-chucks), to when he invented his own style of rapid beat-down kung fu because he was dissatisfied with how long it was taking to smash people, even to his tragic "death by misadventure" [yes, that is the actual statement given by his doctor!] at the age of 32. Any man's man will agree that "death by misadventure" is in their top 5 list of ways to go)

Firstly, as I'm sure you noticed, there was fighting. Here's where the difference begins: Mr. Lee could not have known for certain that his gangsta would be tested, but he was prepared in the event of. In fact, he'd spent his whole life preparing (and any man's man can tell you the fast track to man's manliness is living a life dedicated to the beating of others). The scene begins with one-on-one combat. No need to devote one's existence to ultimate mastery of the physical disablement of others for that. A few Thursday night karate classes at the community center and you'd be good to go. But at exactly 56 seconds into the scene the whole room stands up to partake in the beat down bonanza. That's when it becomes critically important to know how to lash out eight kicks in less than six seconds. What if Bruce had been satisfied with those few Thursday evenings? The scene would have played out a little different, with a lot less kicks in six seconds; that's for sure.

Secondly, you may have become aware that they were speaking French. That's right. Here's where you start taking notes for the advanced lessons. While there's no real necessity to speak the native tongue of karate masters against whom your fists will do all the talking, consider this: what if there were one or more fine karate mistresses? Or a distressed damsel? My main man Bruce had that angle covered. Covered with the language of love. That's right.

And finally, where did those numchucks come from?!?! Did he have those when he came in? They don’t check for numchucks at the door any more? Concealed numchucks! Concealed. Numchucks! Now, I'm sure Bruce entered the situation fully confident in his furious fists, but in the event of, he brought along concealed numchucks. "Hey guys, we're doing good! Jean-Pierre Liu just jump-kicked him in the back! I think we can--wait...are those.......numchucks! All is lost!" This is why Bruce Lee stands as the model up to which all men must live.

Here's the reality: Not all of us have the chops to be kung fu masters (pun VERY much intended). I'm speaking for men and women when I say that most of us probably wouldn't excel in gang brawls. But Bruce Lee is someone we can all aspire to; even if you don't want to "die by misadventure." He was a man who planned ahead and was prepared for any event (especially if that event required face-kicking). And while most weddings tend to exclude kung fu from the ceremonies, there’s a lesson to be learned here. Whether you’re a man’s man or not, it’s a good thing to get involved in the planning of events. Aside from making sure the womenfolk don’t girly-it-up too much you’ll be making them happy. And happy women is a good thing. Besides, if you don’t get involved you may need your own concealed numchucks.

Wanna hear more male musings on event planning, weddings or more? Email info@tempestbleu.com. Check out The Remnant at www.myspace.com/remnantmusic.